Winter Pondering
by Moiranne Rose
Summary: Set after 'Why You'. AUish but hopefully still true to the characters. When the team reach Wutai to train the new recruit, Tseng wanders off after hours, thinking...Well, Tseng/Reno, tad of slash but no actions! Read and Review!


**Heyy,**

**Moiranne here. Anyways, I wrote this for the challenge posted on my profile. It's for Snow, the second one on the list. This one continues soon after Why you?, in the same universe about 2 months on. Basic overview, Rufus has gotten a new recruit for the Turks to train. Tseng needs to get away and think (in Tseng's language, think, in mine, emo about). So he ponders on Reno, his passing, and what exactly the redhead meant to him. This universe may or may not be continued, but you have to review and tell me whether I should or not. I'm doing the challenge based on FF7 and maybe just on the Turks, but I can't help but feel like writing Reno again, he's so fun to write (not like that emo Tseng, hope he doesn't come after me for saying that).  
**

**Moiranne Rose**

* * *

_Where did summer go  
How'd I miss the change of season  
All at once the wind blows rough  
It's cold enough to snow_

Maybe the sun had left, when Reno left. Or maybe to him, Reno was the sun, shining light into the darkness of the lonely path they walked. Had shown them that that path needn't be lonely. Needn't be dark. But now. Well, now Reno was dead. and they were struggling along. He could feel the pepper of snow on his fingers. So white and spotless. Yet cold and harsh. Snow rushed all around him, almost stifling him. He remembered what he had told Rude. That he was coming out of their headquarters, the station near the Reactor where they were stationed, to walk and think. He hadn't said what of, and was happy he didn't. Rude had long thought his endless thinking about the red-haired Turk was proving too distracting from their new task at hand.

Training the 'new one', the new Turk who had been put into their group after his training camp had ended. He would never replace Reno. Tseng had made that painfully clear to the 22 year old. They may have been of the same age, same gait, but they were two different people. One was a cocky newbie who thought he knew the world, the other was someone he had…He couldn't make himself think that, since it was forbidden to have any relationship inside ShinRa. But it felt right to say that he had fallen for, had _loved_ the red-haired, green eyed subordinate. Hard for that matter.

Now that Reno was gone, how was he supposed to keep this up?

_  
In the street below  
People laugh, they've got no reason  
Don't they know  
It's cold enough to snow_

The real reason why he had left the HQ was the sounds he could hear from his room. While it was bitingly cold out here in the barren tundra of Wutai, he couldn't bear to hear those sounds from the streets. How could there be people who could still laugh at this kind of time? No, no one could even smile now. They wouldn't if they knew who Reno was, what Turks were, and what Tseng had felt for him. No, no one had the right, the _privilege, _to smile anymore. To laugh, it meant to feel so happy that smiling couldn't suffice. But the situation now was hardly applicable for that. He envied them. Envied their happiness. They could still laugh, in their blissful ignorance of violence and death.

Remembering the happiness that had filled his heart those days the four had gone to train in the simulation room, he knew then that Reno had been indispensable to them. But he was by no means immortal or invincible. His passing had left a void within the group. Elena had stopped her mindless chatter and thrown herself into work. Reno had been the one who acted like an older sibling she never had. Her sister had been like all other model Turks, with no feelings whatsoever. But Reno had helped her through her first months, back when she still took baby steps towards becoming what she was today. She missed him, and often cried during breaks when she thought no one could hear. But, as Turks did, they heard them.

Rude had lost his partner. Coping with that was in itself, a difficult job. Rude never took off his shades again. Reno, he had vowed, would stay the only person who had seen his eyes beyond the shades. Never another being. Rude had grown more taciturn, and stayed hostile to the new recruit, whom he thought had taken his partner's place. No one would take that place.

Himself, he knew his feelings for Reno. They had become part of him. This lost love that had spun a painful web over his heart, keeping it cold and away from others. The new recruit was nothing like Reno. Fast, yes, cocky, true, but not Reno. He was more serious than Reno ever was, than he had ever expected Reno to be. But then again, he wouldn't have had Reno any other way. He felt the second howl of wind. He shivered slightly, wondering why Rufus had sent them to this forsaken place. Of all places to pick, he just had to pick snow-covered, frost-filled Wutai for training grounds for 'harsh temperatures'. Perfect place for training, Rufus had said, almost anxious to get them over the loss of their friend. Perfect place to reminisce.

_When we were together  
And you were staying  
Funny but the weather  
Still felt like May in mid December_

Even in this -3 degrees Celsius weather, Reno would have been first to touch down on the trodden snow and crack some joke made in dubious taste. That would probably spark off them rolling their eyes and laugh grudgingly at the lameness of the whole joke. Though they never knew whether Rude really did or not. Only Reno knew that. Since his sunglasses would have been on, even with no sun in sight. But he definitely laughed. Now, he wasn't sure if Rude smiled anymore, or had any reason to.

The new recruit, Farin, had just come off the helicopter and looked immediately at the surroundings, the cogs in his head apparently whirring to absorb the conditions and the climate of his new surroundings. Such was the making of a good Turk. He hadn't even smile as he came off. But then again, the last time he had done that, close to three weeks ago, it had caused Rude to rant, Elena to start crying again, and himself to withdraw from his work for the rest of the day.

When Reno was still with them, and if they had still been posted to Wutai, he would have made the weather the least of their worries. He would have been slacking off on his work, flashing grins at Tseng as excuses, joking with Rude, patiently tutoring Elena in the use of her weapon. He would be bounding next to him now even. But then, in that case, they would be back in their quarters, sharing a coffee break and not aimlessly ambling across snow laden plains for no apparent reason.

With Reno, it felt like winter never came. But with Farin, winter had just turned even colder.

_Now the chill wind blows  
Sunny skies are only teasing  
You won't show  
And it's cold enough to snow_

He heard the steps before they had even reached him. Had deduced who it was based on that noise and turned to meet him, hand on his gun. Farin. he should have known that the recruit would have been looking for him. Farin. He couldn't cotton on that no one in the group liked him as they did with Reno. They were trying to find their old friend in this new person, and hopelessly failing. Farin didn't know who Reno was even.

"Sir?"

Tseng didn't even bother to answer, he just took a few steps away from the new recruit. He deeply despised him. Even though he knew that there was no real reason for this, just that he had taken the place of Reno. When he hadn't the right to.

Farin tried again.

"Sir? I was wondering..." He stopped midway through the sentence. Tseng had turned a haunted, hate-filled gaze on him. Farin had been aware that he wasn't welcome in the team. He had been thrilled at the opportunities that Turk brought. But he knew not of the shoes he needed to fill. Ones he could probably never fill. Tseng stared at the snowflakes falling. If Reno was here, he'd be prancing around trying to catch them on his tongue. Childish, but indescribably Reno. He loved Reno. Yet he grudged him too. He had freedom in the Lifestream, lost friends like Zack, had the opportunity to close his eyes to the violence of the world. He just wished, Reno could have known that he loved him.

Tseng had long forgotten Farin was even there.

_- 0,5 min instrumental -_

_On the radio  
There's a man says  
It ain't freezing  
What's he know  
He didn't watch you go_

Farin couldn't understand why Tseng, Rude and even Elena hated him so much. They deliberately left him out of their conversations, and what dialogue they did share was kept to curt sentences, crisp and to the point. He didn't feel welcomed in the team. Not at all. And he suspected he knew why. There had been someone before him. That had taken the position. Had filled it. Had raised the standards. Had taught the restless and impatient Elena. Had convinced the stubborn Rude to take off his shades. Had melted the icy heart of Tseng. He knew he would never be that person, whoever he was. Tseng scoffed at his ignorance.

He was all too correct. Tseng especially. He hated the way the new recruit reminded him that he needed to get over Reno. He hated that. He didn't want to forget Reno. But the endless cycle of replacing people was not new to Tseng. How many people had done that? Cloud had replaced Zack. Elena had replaced Cissnei. He himself had replaced Verdot. ShinRa had no time for weak and _emotional_ people. They wanted hardened fighters, who didn't need to feel, didn't _want_ to feel. These were the people they wanted. The rest would die off on their own. Zack had died in combat, one of the things that had in turn plagued Reno with guilt and regret. Cissnei had defected, causing their team to lose a valuable member of Turk, the loss of their 'motherly' figure. Verdot had been a leader. Born and bred in leadership, it had been ingrained in his blood, his heart, his life.

The people who replaced them proved themselves worthy only after a while. Cloud had drawn into himself, wracked with the pangs of survivor guilt, eventually maturing into the warrior he was. Elena had been talkative and immature. But she was now hardworking and diligent, hardy in battle, an asset not worth losing. He himself had taken time to become the man he was. But once he was there, he had made the job his. Became the epitome of utmost precision and protocol. The perfect ShinRa operative. The perfect leader.

When Reno had died, he knew, it wouldn't be long before ShinRa or some other organisation killed them all off. They'd take Rude, Elena, himself... And they would show no mercy. In the snow, he felt like the world was just one word: _cold_. And he knew that it was true. The world of ShinRa was as such. No one was allowed to be friendly, to be free. They held them all by leashes, only to be severed by Death's own hand.

How long would an ailing group of sentimental Turks last against the might of ShinRa?

_Now the sun can't shine  
If it wants to, fine  
But it's cold enough to snow_

Without Reno, not very long at all.

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**A/N: Not so sure if this one was okay...but for the sake of the challenge, i will post this. Tseng/Reno is tough to write if Reno is dead. Well if Tseng was dead, it would be bad too, but that's beside the point. Okay so, review and tell me what you think! and also if you want me to continue this universe or the other one...**

**Moiranne Rose**


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